i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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