I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
