Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
