I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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