On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
