It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize