Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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