Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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