Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
