capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
FUCK WHALES
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize