my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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