I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
