dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
