My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
After tacos, we're chasing women.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
