Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Randomize
