i need an iv and a liver transplant
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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