So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
