Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
