shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
