So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
