addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
