I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
well you can't waste a boner
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
