On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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