have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
