No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
