There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
