Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
