so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
