we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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