I love black thongs
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
