So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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