I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
