Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
