I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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