apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You don't make any sense
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