you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
