Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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