You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
