It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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