I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Randomize
