I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
