just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize