How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize