trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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