His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
