it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize