So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize