Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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