I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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