Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
