He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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