ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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