do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
