But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
