Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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