when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i was born a porn star she said
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
