OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
its not stalking. its research.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
