Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
