i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
