we're blogging at a bar
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
