Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Randomize
