I hope mine doesn't look like that
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
