i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
