My liver just broke up with me...
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Randomize
