Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
