he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You're like the curious george of whores
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
