I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
