if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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