Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I am one with the molecules
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
