So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
