Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
