Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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