Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
