i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Randomize
