Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize