I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You can't special order awesome
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
