I molested 6 butterflies tonight
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
